Aside from FREEDOM, no sweet treat resonates more with summer than ice cream. Its cool, creamy goodness oozes through our taste buds and reminds us that there, indeed, exists some respite from the scorching sun. Plus, how else can you devour a sleeve of Oreo cookies under the guise that it was mixed in? The number of flavors available feels endless, and there’s truly one for everyone, even us infinite shades of board gamers. Here’s more on some of the best flavors to try and what each reflects about your board gamer personality…
Vanilla ice cream is a classic for a reason: it’s boring. Classics are boring. Ever tried reading Crime and Punishment? John Wick, it is not! But this is Vanilla BEAN, exotically and blatantly hailing from the all powerful legume of flavor. This level of surprising elegance in the face of extremely low and borderline insulting expectations is where you thrive as a board gamer. You love pretending not to know the rules or what those little black holes are supposed to signify on dice, but find a way amidst your naivete to prevail over your unexpecting enemies.
Sugar comes in all shapes and sizes, but for our money, the pillowiest permutation is the marshmallow—an omnipresent staple of summertime sweet treats. You’ll find a healthy mix of them within Rocky Road ice cream, which serves as a perennial staple for its chocolate base and nutty accents. As a board gamer, you might sometimes be called a bit “nutty,” but deep down you know you’re only a few graham crackers short of a s’more and, therefore, have adopted a gruff and meal-y exterior that does little to betray the soft, gooey center you harbor deep down. One day, the world will know…
No, it doesn’t exist, but don’t let that stop you from enjoying it all the same. Well, if you can find any, which you won’t be able to. Your gameplay style is clearly more of the Dungeons and Dragons variety of making things up as you go. Shred the instruction manuals and start from scratch before you’re tempted to follow even the most modest of rules. But what are rules, really, other than a nonexistent construct of some stodgy old kook? Scoop yourself some more chocolate bean and eagerly await the end times.
Whatever That Blue One Is
This ice cream is blue, but not the kind of blue you’d find on a fresh blueberry or perfectly aged blueberry wine. No, this one more closely resembles the blue you’d find underneath a water damaged couch or in the back of the fridge growing atop some tortillas. It’s gross, borderline vomitous and it’s inconceivable that anyone of sound mind would ever willingly and voluntarily order it. As a gamer, you’ve grown to embrace the unexpected and the borderline repulsive, which is why it’s so hard to find opponents (or, maybe, friends). Keep the ones you’ve already got!
Get over yourself already!