As board gamers, we’re quite familiar with the rules. New Year’s resolutions are made in January, obviously. They’re broken by February, for sure. They’re entirely forgotten by March, this much we know. Yet last year, we decided to make them anyway. How did we do? Likely not well, but just like in most games, we’re willing to roll the dice and check.

Resolution: Moderate Our Levels of Game-Related Anger

Success?: No

The only thing better than playing board games is playing board games and winning. Which is why we swear we should be entirely forgiven for flipping the table that one time our friend stabbed us in the back by allying with the other opponent to snatch victory from within our grasp. And yes, while this may have occurred on January 2nd of last year, it should be noted that more than 24 hours passed between the year beginning and the aforementioned salty moment, which is a new record for us. And sure, we did later key their car two days later, meaning the anger lingered for twice as long than it had been absent. But math is so 2022—which, according to our calculations, was 7 years ago.

Resolution: Eat Healthier Gaming Snacks

Success?: No

Junk food abounds at board game nights, meaning the temptation to gorge oneself is high, particularly for us emotional eaters. Plus, all that greasy, salty and sugary food (mmm…) is likely causing insulin spikes and mood swings, not to mention the risk of inducing a sweet, restful food coma. So, we tried shaking things up by swapping those Fritos for a crisp handful of baby carrots or a few sprigs of broccoli, and for a time, things seemed OK. Unfortunately, that amount of time was a few minutes, because once our friend stabbed us in the back by allying with the other opponent to snatch victory from within our grasp—January 2nd of last year—those sliced and diced daikon radishes hit the garbage disposal and we shoveled brown sugar into our mouths right from the bag.

Resolution: Reconnect With Long Lost Gaming Friends

Success?: Mixed

After the now infamous incident of January 2nd of last year, in which our friend stabbed us in the back by allying with the other opponent to snatch victory from within our grasp, gathering a gaming crew became tougher, which is what provided a perfect excuse to reach out to friends in other cities, time zones and phases of life who may have drifted away due to no fault of their own. Unfortunately, we quickly learned that the fault was, in fact, of our own, having originally driven them away due to our uncontrollable temper, particularly around gaming. However, the effort was not entirely in vain, as our parole officer was psyched to hear from us.

Resolution: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Success?: Yes

Nothing from last year, not even when our friend stabbed us in the back by allying with the other opponent to snatch victory from within our grasp, could distract from the real lesson: No resolutions means no breaking resolutions means no stress. Here’s to a blissful 2023, hopefully this time our alliances hold.