The Perils of Gaming Outdoors

Summer should be a time to soak up some rays, brats and brews while experiencing only the chillest of vibes—busting out a favorite board game to enhance the experience should be received by nothing less than a rousing round of “huzzah!” from friends and other onlookers. But we have some horrifying news (we hope you’re sitting down): In the year 2021, open air gaming is not without its perils. Heed our important warnings before the danger level of the impending summer begins heating up:

Reflective surfaces

Television screens have dominated our daily life for almost a year and a half now, so you’d be forgiven if your eyes have forgotten how to process anything other than an indirect glow. You’ll be certainly in for a treat when the unrelenting noon sun casts its fiery gaze down at your Monopoly token, the loose collection of rays gathering on its surface and bouncing directly into your eyeballs as a singular ultraviolet beam, casting your sense of sight into the endless abyss. Lament your choice not to play a card game!

Bloodthirsty bugs

One of the perils of the great outdoors is that you must contend with the great outdoors itself, including some of its less than flattering inhabitants: mosquitoes, flies, gnats and other small annoyances determined to parachute onto your skin until their blood feast is complete. They interrupt concentration as you are planning your next big board game move and often force you to swat at them, placing a precariously set board or wobbly Jenga tower at great risk of destruction. Consider going retro: We hear many board games created in the 1960s are bathed in DEET, before we knew any better.

Dehydration

Having subsisted on vodka and pickle brine since early 2020, you may be in need of a refresher on how to maintain your body’s proper level of hydration. Read up before heading outside, though, as even a single minute in this heat wave might give you the spins for 48 hours. Plus, while many board games are technically edible, very few are drinkable, surprisingly enough. Power yourself with some Powerade and game responsibly.

Hot girl summer

A term coined by Megan Thee Stallion, “hot girl summer” refers to living your best life regardless of what society thinks of your appearance, actions or goals—letting loose and embracing every aspect of yourself, letting it shine this summer. The danger here isn’t that your gaming will be interrupted or put on hold, but that you’ll simply dominate with such flair and aplomb that nobody will rise to the challenge for game two. Isolation was 2020’s thing: adopt the hot girl summer mindset, sure, but don’t forget to bring others along for the ride.

Lack of sleep due to packing every minute of summer into every day as compensation for what you missed last year

Honestly, we don’t blame you.

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